SOMEWHERE IN THE MONTH OF OCTOBER I LOST ME?
THE HAPPY ME! THE PERSON WHO LOVED HER JOB ME!
THE HOPEFUL ME! THE ME THAT ENJOYED EACH DAY AT ITS FULLEST, THE ME THAT CARED ABOUT EVERYONE EVERYWHERE.
NOW YOU ARE STUCK WITH THIS ME THAT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE SITS HERE NOW TO WRITE THIS LETTER.
IT IS BECAUSE I AM A DISGRACE ! I AM A PERSON WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG AND HOW i COULD HAVE LET US LOSE OUR HOUSE OUR CAR MY JOB MY LIFE.
I FEEL AS IF I CAN NOT BE A MOM AND A WIFE BECAUSE YOU ALL DESERVE BETTER THAN ME!!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
THOUGHTS OF DEPRESSION" LIFE WITHOUT ME"
WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE WITH OUT ME?
WOULD YOU BE RELIEVED OR SADDENED?
WOULD YOU FEEL PAIN OR PLEASURE?
WOULD YOU FEEL A SENSE OF FREEDOM FOR NOT HAVING TO TAKE CARE ABOUT ME NOW?
WOULD YOUR LIFE BE EASIER?
WOULD YOU FEEL A SENSE OF SADNESS AND THEN JUST CARRY ON AS IF IT WAS JUST ANOTHER DAY?
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND THAT MY HAPPINESS IS IN THE MEMORIES THAT I WILL HAVE LEFT FOR YOU?
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF MY HOME WHERE WE ALL LIVED AND DREAMED.
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT LIKE YOU AND THAT MY SENSE OF BEING HAS SOMEHOW BEEN LOST WITH EVERY LOSS IN MY LIFE?
WOULD YOU STRUGGLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME?
COULD YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I CHOSE TO TAKE ME OUT OF THE PICTURE SO YOU COULD HAVE ALL YOU AND THE KIDS WANT AND DESERVE?
WOULD YOU BE RELIEVED OR SADDENED?
WOULD YOU FEEL PAIN OR PLEASURE?
WOULD YOU FEEL A SENSE OF FREEDOM FOR NOT HAVING TO TAKE CARE ABOUT ME NOW?
WOULD YOUR LIFE BE EASIER?
WOULD YOU FEEL A SENSE OF SADNESS AND THEN JUST CARRY ON AS IF IT WAS JUST ANOTHER DAY?
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND THAT MY HAPPINESS IS IN THE MEMORIES THAT I WILL HAVE LEFT FOR YOU?
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF MY HOME WHERE WE ALL LIVED AND DREAMED.
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT LIKE YOU AND THAT MY SENSE OF BEING HAS SOMEHOW BEEN LOST WITH EVERY LOSS IN MY LIFE?
WOULD YOU STRUGGLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME?
COULD YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I CHOSE TO TAKE ME OUT OF THE PICTURE SO YOU COULD HAVE ALL YOU AND THE KIDS WANT AND DESERVE?
MY THOUGHTS ON DEPRESSION
MUSIC BRINGS LIFE TO MY SOUL!
IT MAKES ME FEEL REAL AND ALIVE WITH IMMENSE PAIN AND JOY AND SORROW.
IT IS LIFE TO MY INNER BEING AND DEATH TO MY OUTER BEING!
IT IS THE WAY i LIVE THE WAY I BREATH AND THE WAY I THINK.
IT IS A WAY OF HEALING AND MENDING BROKEN PIECES OF ME. SAVING THEM TO MEND THEM TO TRY AND MAKE ME WHOLE AGAIN.
IT MAKES ME FEEL REAL AND ALIVE WITH IMMENSE PAIN AND JOY AND SORROW.
IT IS LIFE TO MY INNER BEING AND DEATH TO MY OUTER BEING!
IT IS THE WAY i LIVE THE WAY I BREATH AND THE WAY I THINK.
IT IS A WAY OF HEALING AND MENDING BROKEN PIECES OF ME. SAVING THEM TO MEND THEM TO TRY AND MAKE ME WHOLE AGAIN.
MY THOUGHTS ON DEPRESSION
I AM ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER THAT JUST WILL NOT STOP.
I AM AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD WITH AN OUTLOOK ON LIFE THAT IS TRULY WORTH LIVING.
AND THEN MY ROLLER COASTER TAKES A HUGE DOWNWARD SPIRAL THROWING ME TO THE OUTER LIMITS OF MY BEING!
AND THEN THERE IS A SLOW TURN AHEAD JUST LETTING ME KNOW THAT I WILL BE OKAY.
AND THEN HERE COMES THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL SHAKING ME BACK TO MY UNRELENTING REALITY THAT MY LIFE IS FAR FROM OKAY.
AND THE ONCE AGAIN EVERYTHING GOES TOPSY TURVY AND UPSIDE DOWN AND TO A SCREECHING HALT SAYING IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? OR IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT TO BE LIKE OR IS IT WORTH THE HIGHS BEFORE THE LOWS?
I AM AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD WITH AN OUTLOOK ON LIFE THAT IS TRULY WORTH LIVING.
AND THEN MY ROLLER COASTER TAKES A HUGE DOWNWARD SPIRAL THROWING ME TO THE OUTER LIMITS OF MY BEING!
AND THEN THERE IS A SLOW TURN AHEAD JUST LETTING ME KNOW THAT I WILL BE OKAY.
AND THEN HERE COMES THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL SHAKING ME BACK TO MY UNRELENTING REALITY THAT MY LIFE IS FAR FROM OKAY.
AND THE ONCE AGAIN EVERYTHING GOES TOPSY TURVY AND UPSIDE DOWN AND TO A SCREECHING HALT SAYING IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? OR IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT TO BE LIKE OR IS IT WORTH THE HIGHS BEFORE THE LOWS?
THOUGHTS OF DEPRESSION
WHAT IS MY LIFE WORTH TODAY?
IS MY LIFE WORTH YOU RESPECTING MY BOUNDARIES?
IS MY LIFE WORTH YOU HELPING ME TO COPE WITH MY ISSUES.
IS MY LIFE VALUED BY A $ OR A TRUE MEANING OF BEING?
IS MY LIFE WORTH TH TROUBLE OF REBUILDING TO MAKE A BETTER LIFE?
IS MY LIFE WORTH THE RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING THAT I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY HEAD THAT IS WRONG OR LESS THAN PERFECT?
IS MY LIFE WORTH YOU UNDERSTANDING WHAT MAKES ME FEEL THE WAY I FEEL?
IS MY LIFE WORTH THE HELP TO UNDERSTAND MY FAULTS AND MY DOWNFALLS?
IS MY LIFE WORTH YOU PICKING ME UP AND SAYING IT WILL BE ALRIGHT?
OR IS MY LIFE JUST MY LIFE? THE LIFE THAT KNOW ONE UNDERSTANDS EXCEPT FOR OTHERS WHO ARE SUFFERING LIKE ME?
WHAT IS MY LIFE WORTH TO ME? NOTHING!!!!!!!
IS MY LIFE WORTH YOU RESPECTING MY BOUNDARIES?
IS MY LIFE WORTH YOU HELPING ME TO COPE WITH MY ISSUES.
IS MY LIFE VALUED BY A $ OR A TRUE MEANING OF BEING?
IS MY LIFE WORTH TH TROUBLE OF REBUILDING TO MAKE A BETTER LIFE?
IS MY LIFE WORTH THE RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING THAT I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY HEAD THAT IS WRONG OR LESS THAN PERFECT?
IS MY LIFE WORTH YOU UNDERSTANDING WHAT MAKES ME FEEL THE WAY I FEEL?
IS MY LIFE WORTH THE HELP TO UNDERSTAND MY FAULTS AND MY DOWNFALLS?
IS MY LIFE WORTH YOU PICKING ME UP AND SAYING IT WILL BE ALRIGHT?
OR IS MY LIFE JUST MY LIFE? THE LIFE THAT KNOW ONE UNDERSTANDS EXCEPT FOR OTHERS WHO ARE SUFFERING LIKE ME?
WHAT IS MY LIFE WORTH TO ME? NOTHING!!!!!!!
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